Shiva Services
If possible, a member of our clergy will be present each night of shiva, at the request of the family. Some family members may be capable of conducting the service themselves, and are encouraged to do so. Fellow congregants, who have been trained, may also conduct the service.

Our congregation’s tradition is to conduct a Maariv, or evening service. We conduct a service and recite Kaddish regardless of the number of people present. Temple Beth Ami provides the service booklet, Gates of Prayer for Weekdays. These booklets can be supplemented by the funeral director. The family should ask specifically for the prayer books of the Reform Movement.

Home Traditions Associated with Shiva
Covering the mirrors, a custom occasionally associated with the shiva period, is rooted in ancient folklore. Some felt that by looking in the mirror, one might see the angel of death. Moreover, since mourners may neglect their physical appearance, mirrors may be covered so as not to draw attention to the mourners.

Sitting on low seats dates back to the biblical times. It is an indication of the lowered position of the mourner, and their reduction of esteem because of their loss.

Wearing dark colors is customary, although black is not obligatory in Jewish tradition. Since leather was considered an item of luxury, wearing slippers or sneakers instead of leather footwear symbolizes the relinquishing of luxury items during mourning.

Mourners should prepare food only for their immediate family. They should not have the added burden of sustaining visitors.

Sheloshim: The First Thirty Days of Mourning
Sheloshim is the thirty-day period of reduced mourning when one returns to work and daily life. The name of the departed is read in the Temple at Shabbat services each week during this period.

As with the shiva period, the occurrence of a major Jewish festival cancels out the remainder of sheloshim. Traditionally, a mourner recites kaddish every day during sheloshim (the mourning is extended for the death of a parent, see avelut below). It is customary to recite kaddish in the synagogue amid the comfort of other Jews, although in the Reform movement, it is permissible to say it alone at home. Temple Beth Ami does not offer daily services, so mourners may wish to attend daily minyans at other synagogues in the area (see listing in section X).

Judaism encourages visitation of graves at appropriate times including the conclusion of shiva or sheloshim and on the yahrzeit. Some people visit on fast days and many make a special visit to the cemetery before the High Holidays. At such times, Psalms and memorial prayers may be recited. It is customary in some places to put stones or blades of grass on the grave stone or marker. Stones recall the ancient practice of upkeep and protection of a grave. Grass, which returns season after season, is thought to be a symbol of eternal life.

Individuals and families find their own appropriate patterns of visitation. Judaism teaches that it is best to find a balance between constant visitation and total neglect.

Aveilut: Extended Mourning for a Parent
Aveilut refers to the 11-month mourning period observed for the death of a parent (rather than the thirty-day sheloshim period for children, spouses or siblings). Aveilut begins immediately after the burial and extends through the period of shiva and sheloshim. Some of the customs and practices associated with aveilut may continue for a full year. Kaddish may be recited daily for the first eleven months of the year of mourning.